Leaked! The New Year’s Resolutions of Top Tech Companies:
Netflix: Really go for it this year and split into 5 companies.
Twitter: Achieve the magic ratio of 1 actual user for every 10 spambots.
LinkedIn: David has requested to add you as a connection on LinkedIn!
Google: Add more features to the spooky ghost town that is Google Plus.
Facebook: No company resolutions, but Nick Hillman of Dover, DE, you need to stop favoriting all of Bethany’s photos. You’re creeping her out.
foursquare: Make money somehow.
tumblr: Make money somehow.
Grooveshark: Make money somehow.
Apple: WE ARE APPLE. YOU ARE APPLE. ALL ARE APPLE. GOOGLE MAPS SUCKS.
Groupon: Sell a groupon that makes everyone believe it’s 2010 again.
Kickstarter: Continue being an enabler to people who probably should have given up a while ago.
Instagram: Maybe just lay low for a while.